Receiving a bouquet of flowers is a simple way to brighten someone’s day. To others, however, it may represent a turning point on their path to self-acceptance and development and thus have a more profound meaning.

As someone who has been a sex worker for most of my adult life, I never had the luxury of receiving flowers from a lover or a partner. Instead of flowers and chocolates, I would often tell my lovers in a candid manner to just give me cash or rice, which I needed to support my mother, aunts, and siblings. At the time, it seemed like the most practical and sensible thing to do. So it was rice and cash for the past 13 years.

My situation has evolved since then. I am no longer in an essential-wants-over-survival predicament. While I appreciate everything that has been given to me and am pleased with how far my efforts have brought me, there’s still a part of my soul that misses out on the little things in life, like getting a bouquet of flowers. 

Sometimes, I just want to know what it feels like to be “normal.” What is life like for most people?

I could easily get it. I only need to tweet or plant the idea in someone’s head. But, being the complicated human that I am, I never told any of my lovers about this desire. The only one who knew was a close female friend who is not involved in my industry. I wanted to receive flowers, but I wanted it to happen naturally. I wanted to be surprised. I want to know what it feels like to be wooed and blush when I receive a bouquet of flowers, unprompted.  

Recently, for the first time in my life, I received flowers sent to celebrate my 35th Solar return. 

It’s a small gesture to some, but I was ugly crying on my way back to my house. 

So this is how it feels to be loved.

P.S. I still accept cash, gifts, which you can get for me online at this link, and I now eat brown rice.  😉